The central insight of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is its focus on universal human needs. But what are basic needs? For those new to NVC, it’s often difficult to distinguish fundamental needs from emotions, judgments, and strategies. As a result, a list of needs can be particularly helpful in understanding and practicing NVC. If there’s one […]
Compassion in the Cloud
When about to converse online
I vow with all beings
to come from full presence and care,
attending to what truly matters.
In this packed-with-potential new year of 2022, I’ve started a sister website: Letting Go, Kindness, Space. I’ve been feeling the creativity itch for some time now, so I paired that with a New Year’s resolution and the result is a free-flowing blog. Where does that leave this site — Wise Speech Online? My hope is […]
Oren Jay Sofer says, “If I could teach people only one tool for training in presence it would be to pause.” Pausing can make a big difference in our lives. It’s true. The challenge for some of us is to remember. So to help I’ve designed three mobile wallpapers.
For years I’ve dabbled in various social media platforms… but I’ve always been wary. That’s because, as a computer programmer, I’ve been keenly aware since day one of the risks involved in trusting my fellow programmers. If you met enough programmers in person, I bet you wouldn’t automatically trust them either. Not to say they […]
“Online, we’ve got a compassion deficit, an empathy crisis…. We need to communicate online with compassion, consume news with compassion and click with compassion.” ~ Monica Lewinksy in a 2015 TED Talk
In June, Gil Fronsdal (a revered Buddhist teacher and scholar) gave a dharma talk on “Speaking as a Gift.” Since then, I’ve been experimenting with it — and have found that framing my words as gifts has been one of the most helpful strategies for Wise Speech I’ve ever encountered.
The focus of the fourth week of Oren Jay Sofer’s Wise Speech Course has been transforming habits, particularly our deeply ingrained patterns of communication. It’s a gigantic task, but happily there are aspects of it that are more approachable in online communications. In particular Oren offers a meditation that has worked well for lowering my email stress.
Today wraps up week three of the Wise Speech Course with Oren Jay Sofer — a week devoted to Listening. Taking the course this year, I’m focusing on adapting the principles and techniques of Right Speech to the online world. But it turns out that for listening, this gets dicey, particularly pairing listening with social media.
In the initial talk for the second week of “Wise Speech: An Introduction to Mindful Communication,” Oren Jay Sofer encouraged us to come from curiosity and care when we are communicating. To help remember this approach, I’ve created a wallpaper for mobile phones.