The central insight of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is its focus on universal human needs. But what are basic needs? For those new to NVC, it’s often difficult to distinguish fundamental needs from emotions, judgments, and strategies. As a result, a list of needs can be particularly helpful in understanding and practicing NVC. If there’s one […]
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Hope for a Great Sea-Change on the Far Side of Revenge
From Seamus Heaney’s The Cure at Troy — words that I hope might buoy your spirits when seemingly beyond consolation in your efforts to effect great change.
“Human beings suffer,
They torture one another,
They get hurt and get hard….”
Wandering Forth
Not quite two years ago, I once again felt that clarion call to be “an upstander.” In 2015 I had bowed out of a 22-year journey of speaking up about Unitarian Universalist clergy sexual misconduct. By then all signs were (and still are, to my knowledge) that the denomination was at last truly headed in […]
When About to Converse Online
When about to converse online
I vow with all beings
to come from full presence and care,
attending to what truly matters.
A Sister Website
In this packed-with-potential new year of 2022, I’ve started a sister website: Letting Go, Kindness, Space. I’ve been feeling the creativity itch for some time now, so I paired that with a New Year’s resolution and the result is a free-flowing blog. Where does that leave this site — Wise Speech Online? My hope is […]
Pause with Mobile Wallpaper
Oren Jay Sofer says, “If I could teach people only one tool for training in presence it would be to pause.” Pausing can make a big difference in our lives. It’s true. The challenge for some of us is to remember. So to help I’ve designed three mobile wallpapers.
Shields Up: Edging Back Into Social Media
For years I’ve dabbled in various social media platforms… but I’ve always been wary. That’s because, as a computer programmer, I’ve been keenly aware since day one of the risks involved in trusting my fellow programmers. If you met enough programmers in person, I bet you wouldn’t automatically trust them either. Not to say they […]
Seeing Online Humiliation with Clear, Compassionate Eyes
“Online, we’ve got a compassion deficit, an empathy crisis…. We need to communicate online with compassion, consume news with compassion and click with compassion.” ~ Monica Lewinksy in a 2015 TED Talk
Online Words as Gifts
In June, Gil Fronsdal (a revered Buddhist teacher and scholar) gave a dharma talk on “Speaking as a Gift.” Since then, I’ve been experimenting with it — and have found that framing my words as gifts has been one of the most helpful strategies for Wise Speech I’ve ever encountered.
Training the Mind to Remain Compassionate
The focus of the fourth week of Oren Jay Sofer’s Wise Speech Course has been transforming habits, particularly our deeply ingrained patterns of communication. It’s a gigantic task, but happily there are aspects of it that are more approachable in online communications. In particular Oren offers a meditation that has worked well for lowering my email stress.